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Think about dating

Here are 15 essential tips to follow: Psychotic optimism is my philosophy on love, which I’m spreading to everyone who will listen.It means this: “Love will come to me — it’s a WHEN, not an IF.RELATED: 5 relationship warning signs couples should never ignore Can you identify what a new, good, happy relationship looks like to you? So, if you were married to a narcissist, without the knowledge of what a narcissist acts like in the beginning, you may find yourself on the same dysfunctional merry-go-round again.

When I say "date," I'm referring to the old-school style of dating — not sleeping together or hooking up.

Have a good vetting process and keep the pipeline filled.

Waiting until you are exclusive is a great way to stay the happy course!

RELATED: Flirting, compliments and waiting for sex: 6 rules for dating after 50Fast and furious usually flames out.

I coach all of my clients through a “marriage map” exercise to create a road map of a partner that will make them happy, which is necessary to start picking the right people. Many women stare blankly at me when I ask this question, because they’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else around them that they’ve totally lost sight of what makes them happy.

Make a list of five to 10 things that bring you joy, and start to do them again.Once you have a road map of a partner that makes you happy, give attraction and chemistry a chance to develop, even if it takes five or more dates to figure it out.After you feel the chemistry, look carefully for the “interior” traits that count, like kindness, reliability, consistency, honesty and intelligence first. Is this person willing to accept you, your complexities, maybe your children? Are you on the same page with regards to finances, parenting, living situations, marriage or more kids?Sex can be great but, had too early, can cause the demise of a relationship as we are caught in a fog of oxytocin, estrogen, testosterone and dopamine.Sure, there are a few couples that had sex early on and it turned into a happy marriage, but those are pretty few and far between.But be open on your idea of “the package.”You need to have excellent photos (starting with a great smiling headshot). 4 rules for nailing the perfect profile picture As women, we often feel like we just want to date one person at a time. Dating should be like a horse race — you need many horses to make it a race!That includes great head-to-toe shots as well as of you and only you! The horse that’s winning on the first lap might break its leg and might need to be taken out of the race.RELATED: Complaining just might be the secret to a happy relationship If you don’t have the built-in village, consider enlisting a professional, someone who can help you maintain enthusiasm and set and achieve goals.The dating village should be filled with people who support you and will bring you up, instead of bringing you down.Dating after divorce isn’t easy, and will require a great group of people surrounding you to keep you motivated and inspired!Maybe it’s your buddies from work, school, your family, neighbors or kids.

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